赞分享。 谢谢。 天天努力爬楼。

好吧，叶思特day我去见了一个dating expert, 问了一些dating etiquette和how to meet people who fit my profile. 不贵，对方是个男人，所以可以从男性的角度了解一下，我觉得还算有用的。对方比较坦诚，他讲的男性的mentality让我对男生的了解又上了一个层次，所以昨晚上的date就别据意义，因为我知道我的date大概在想什么，回家后会干什么。他讲了一下，我的优势，我的劣势。还有就是etiquette, 什么时候kiss on the lips, 什么时候牵小手，什么时候舌吻，什么时候可以pick you up, 什么时候have sex, dating 怎么付钱。
Overall, 我更倾向小麦子说的，和我自己的亲身经历。这个人讲的是普通男女的约会，让我有一个general的了解，general expectation. 只是参考。
mm如果附近有这样的服务，可以去了解一下。
我就不写他说的了，免得误导mm们。

我们都渴望一见钟情和两情相悦，相濡以沫，不用技巧不要猜疑。但是很多时候血淋淋的教训告诉我们，即使出现这种click的东西，我们还是要work on it..因为人性中“贱”的一面：）

我看到一个网站的文章和Q麦的一些观点还挺吻合，和大家分享。

Have you ever found yourself falling for a man you were dating and wondered if he was feeling the same way? Did you find yourself trying to prove what a great catch you are by being sweeter, funnier and smarter in hopes that he would fall in love with you? Focusing on what a man wants and ingratiating yourself in this way may feel like the natural thing to do, but it's the worst way to try to make a man feel romantic love for you.

Love isn't a reasonable emotion - and being “nice” and “understanding” and “a good sport” won't get you where you want to go. Here are some ways that will:

Tip#1: Don't give a man more than he gives you

Love, and inspiring a man to fall in love with you forever, is all about you being able to receive love.

Most of us only know how to give. We give for lots of reasons - because we're taught that's the way to get to a man's heart (it isn't) because we see other women do it, and because deep down, it feels uncomfortable and scary to be vulnerable enough to really get love.

“A man is actually turned off when he gets more from you than he gives.” A man is actually turned off when he gets more from you than he gives. When you shower him with affection, attention, dinners, gifts, and always go out of your way to drive to his place, it makes him think of you as a mother or a friend instead of inspiring his emotional desire for you.

Tip #2: Don't give away exclusivity if he hasn't yet committed

We become totally, emotionally invested in a man when we're exclusive with him because he has all our time and attention. There's no way we can stop wondering about where the relationship is going. But the more we think about it and talk about it, the more we push a man away.

When you can think of it in these terms, it's easier to keep your options open and keep your personal power in the relationship. Rather than talking about the relationship or threatening him with ultimatums, you can continue to keep your options open by dating other men. This way, you keep your class, your power, your boundaries, and he has to work to get you!

Tip#3: Don't give him gifts, make him dinner or pay for dates

Yes, this sounds unfair, and yet, who pays is often the difference in his mind between friends hanging out together and a “date.”

If a man complains about paying for everything, let him know you don't care what you do, you feel great being with him, and you don't want to pay. Walking, hanging out in bookstores, having a picnic in a park can all be fun, romantic ways to get close to a man.

(And forget about cooking dinner, or trying to make dating “reciprocal.” A bowl of popcorn and something to drink is fine.)

When you give a man gifts, give him all your attention and energy, and give MORE than you receive, you're OVERFUNCTIONING.

Overfunctioning is doing more than your fair share and stepping up to rescue a man because you know you can do a better job. It's arriving from your masculine energy. It feels aggressive and forward to a man. And it's totally unattractive to him.

In my newsletter, I explain exactly why overfunctioning triggers a negative response in a man, and what to do to stop doing so much and instead get more love and more affection from your man by doing LESS.

[此贴子已经被作者于2013/9/23 14:55:43编辑过]

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我跟dating expert讨论了一下how people always over estimate themselves, 尤其是男人，对自己非常着迷，他们首先contact的绝对是两到三个等级高出他们的女性。
他说，有时候他会问客户，你觉得自己是哪个等级的，绝大多数会给自己打个7-9分。。。。and we know it is not possible.
所以我总结出一点，怎么客观的认识自己。给你的date打个分，在whole population里几分，在这个年龄层里几分，综合几分，外貌几分，如果他是7分，对你很有兴趣，那说明你是7分及以上，如果他是9分，对你没兴趣，那你是9分以下。如果他是7分，对你没兴趣，那么小姐，抱歉啊，你最高最高是7分。
当然，这绝对有例外，我绝对见过9.5分男找了一个6分女，6分女还挺幽怨，各种不满意。但这种少，基本6分男找9分女的还比较多些。
欢迎讨论。

过来update一下目前这个date，刚才他打了电话确认了周六的concert，问题是我之前有说过我也觉得不靠谱，3天联系一下的。今天我大概算了下日期，发现3天不是虚数，他莫非每次都掐着3天来联系我的？Anyway，concert之后看表现了，虽然是以fun time的态度对待的，不过最近有点忙，实在没起色就不浪费时间了。

谢谢mm的信息！mm可以简单分享下general timeline吗？ why men love bi*tches 有提到不要在3次约会之内爱爱， mm 可以讲讲这个expert 建议啥时kiss, 啥时爱爱嘛？

没看到你前面的帖子，你们之前见过几次了，你了解他多少？如果互相不了解的话，倒也不能期待他天天联系你。毕竟人家可能工作也忙，或者也有可能在同时见别的人。约你concert至少说明这人还不ws, 还有点情调。
不过，基本上这次concert完了，你们是不是合适也就见分晓了。

三次约会kiss on the lips, 不是舌吻哦，爱爱就自己把握吧，当然expert告诉我爱爱的时间表，但我觉得还是看个人，我的意见是hold back as long as possible。而且我也确实一直非常成功的hold back。至少对方没跑，还继续高密度约会。