as_still_water
To be nice or not, that is the question
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2006-05-23 01:59:00
先转贴一个我今天看到的文章,觉得很有感触... 然后再接着聊.
Do Nice Employees Finish Last?
By Robert Half International
As anyone who has ever watched "The Apprentice" knows, business is a tough game to play. Sometimes it can seem like getting ahead requires putting your interests above those of others and capitalizing on the misfortune of fellow workers.
But is it true that nice guys finish last at work? Not likely.
A positive, friendly disposition can be a valuable career asset. In fact, a study published in the Harvard Business Review found that personal feelings toward an individual are more significant in the formation of productive work relationships than how competent the person is.
Your ability to connect with others is especially important as the business world becomes increasingly global and companies seek individuals who can collaborate with diverse teams of employees and outside contacts. In a survey of executives by Robert Half International, 93 percent of respondents said they expect staff members to work on project-based teams more frequently in the next 10 to 15 years. Those who are pleasant and easy to get along with will have the greatest success in forming effective professional partnerships.
Often, being nice boils down to just a few key factors, including respecting the opinions of co-workers, offering to lend colleagues a hand when needed and being courteous in all of your interactions.
But there is a difference between being nice and being a pushover.
For example, you may try so hard to be liked that you seem disingenuous or, in times of uncertainty or transition, out of touch with reality. And some professional situations simply require you to take a stand, even if you'd prefer not to. Being overly accommodating also can cause you to shoulder a disproportionate amount of work, lose out on promotion opportunities and suffer from burnout. Following are five situations where the difference between being nice and being too nice is slight but significant. With which category do you most closely align?
Situation No. 1
Being nice: Offering to stay late to help a colleague finish a project before he leaves on vacation. As a result, you build goodwill and increase the likelihood your co-worker lends you a hand when needed.
Being too nice: Offering to stay late every night because you have a hard time telling colleagues that your plate is full. As a result, you're unable to achieve a healthy work/life balance and begin to burn out.
Situation No. 2
Being nice: Receiving kudos from a satisfied client on a job well done and forwarding the message to those who worked on the project with you to let them know that everyone's effort was appreciated. As a result, the entire team gets a morale boost.
Being too nice: Receiving kudos from a satisfied client on a job well done and giving all the credit to those on your team because you don't want to seem self-serving. As a result, your accomplishments go unnoticed and higher-ups do not realize the true value you bring to the firm.
Situation No. 3
Being nice: Reviewing a new colleague's work and discussing the areas you would modify, explaining your reasoning behind each change. As a result, the new employee is able to produce better results next time.
Being too nice: Reviewing a new colleague's work and making any necessary changes yourself to avoid potentially hurting her feelings. As a result, you take on more work, and the new employee is likely to turn in an assignment of similar quality the next time.
Situation No. 4
Being nice: Proposing a new idea during a meeting and acknowledging the input you received from another staff member. As a result, your supervisor realizes your contribution to company strategy and ability to collaborate with others on business solutions.
Being too nice: Not speaking up during a meeting when someone else takes credit for your idea because you'd rather not make waves. As a result, your co-worker is rewarded for your hard work.
Situation No. 5
Being nice: After discovering a colleague gave you poor direction on a project, you take him aside to discuss strategies for avoiding similar confusion in the future. As a result, mistakes can be prevented and other projects can be completed more efficiently.
Being too nice: After discovering a colleague gave you poor direction on a project, you say nothing to avoid making him feel bad and focus on how you can get better information on your own next time. As a result, you and your co-worker do not operate as a team, threatening the success of future collaborative efforts.
Do nice employees finish last? Of course not. Going out of your way to be friendly and helpful can only enhance your career prospects. But don't take the concept to the extreme. Nice does not mean letting people walk all over you. You need to be assertive and willing to stand up for yourself if you want to finish first.
Robert Half International Inc. is the world's first and largest specialized staffing firm with a global network of more than 330 offices throughout North America, Europe, Asia, Australia and New Zealand. For more information about our professional services, please visit www.rhi.com.
不一定是初折职场的女孩子才会有这样的困扰,我觉得大部分在这里工作的女生都会经常在心里嘀咕: Am I too nice? Yes, there is a fine line between being nice and being too nice. 上面这篇文章举的例子都让我心有戚戚,因为可以说每一个例子的两种情况我都经历过. 当然being too nice是比较早些时候的事了,现在基本上我已经可以做到being nice and professional.
既然谈到nice的话题,我想给职版的姐妹推荐一本书 Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office. 这本书非常好读, 我是去年夏天还在怀孕的时候, 周末到Borders去了两次就看完了. 书里列举了101条”nice girls”在工作中经常会犯的典型错误, 比如说Needing to be liked, Not needing to be liked, Avoiding office politics, Waiting to be noticed, Being invisible, 等等.
有一次在中文的网站上看到把这本书翻译成”好女孩不站墙角”, 简直让我哭笑不得.
[此贴子已经被作者于2006-5-23 2:51:46编辑过]
We all know that one needs to be nice but not too nice. Yet the challenges are how to make your judgement what is being nice but not too nice, how not to be too nice but also not offend someone else. There's a lot of sublties in it. And all have to learn from one's own experiences and some thinking, analyzing of own's behavior, then learning from it to grow stronger and more politically fluent.
I agree with you that one can learn from his/her own failures or mistakes, but it is definitely NOT the ONLY way to learn.
I only live once so I don't have that much time to experience ALL kinds of failure and pain. It's a great learning experience too by just looking at how other people did wrong and what's the better solution for these scenarios.
[此贴子已经被作者于2006-5-23 14:39:01编辑过]
Great post! Thanks.
I feel that the way I stay nice but not too nice is to be very OPEN. In most of the situations above, I will try to say the truth even if it may hurt some colleague's feeling. I always feel that it's better for long run to gentally let a friend know her/his problem instead of fixing the problem for her/him. It may take a lot of time to communicate and wait, or even sometimes it hurts the relationship, but after a while, people will know your good intention.
其实在工作中我也是个讲话比较直率的人,所以有的时候觉得不知道是不是在不知不觉中已经得罪了好多人. 对于有些人我是确切的知道我得罪他了,只是我不在乎. 但是有些人我就不希望因为言辞措句的原因而伤害到工作中的关系.
我是这么想的, 如果我的目的是要让自己的意见被别人接受, 那么我就应该在不放弃原则的立场下, 找到最能让对方接受的方式来表达. 虽然这也许不是自己最擅长最comfortable的方式,但是这种取舍我愿意承受. 至于我不在乎的那类人,公事公办,对事不对人,就完了.
Sometimes the Americans always said "u r great""it's nice""excellent" to you...
u will never ever know what's ur problem....
The praise, appreciation and encouragement contributed their culture. When I first heard that, I even felt... a little conceited...but, later I got to know that "u r great" means "it's OK"
I haven't been working in US. Just discuss this situation in the university.
我倒没有觉得"you are great"就相当于"it's OK". 你有没有觉得这一类的评价很多时候是对你的表现,状态, attitude 等等而言的,并不是对你的工作本身. 从精神的角度讲, 这种夸奖是很有用的. 如果我真的想要得到就事论事的建议和评价,我会专门去找有能力的人,请他们review我写的或是做的东西. 这样绝大多数情况下我都能得到很客观很有力的评价和建议.
总结的太好了。不过很难啊。偶失眠就是为了这个问题。每个人内心都有自己的desire，可又不能放弃原则伤害别人，又要想出好的方式。我有时觉得自己活的好累。
不能宣扬悲观情绪，其实我睡好了就没事了。
这类事情需要技巧
最近在看这本书.... 我没那么孜孜不倦啊,是公司发的,让大家都学习. 我们是在小组例会的时候发的这本书, 之前是staus update, 结果我们的小老板说, 嗯,刚才water讲的就是个很好的fierce conversation的例子, ..... 我这几天就在上班路上看一点儿, 发现自己做的的确还不错, 不过要学的也很多. 越工作就越觉得 people skill 的重要性.
后来和一个比较年长的tech director聊天,他说,其实这类书里,写得最好的还是Dale Carnegie 的 How to Win Friends & Influence People, 后来模仿的不计其数,都比不过这本. 打算抽空去读一读.
[此贴子已经被作者于2006-5-25 12:01:28编辑过]
卡耐基那本我看过。
我记得我某一个老板的行为，明显是从那里面学来地，嘿嘿。。。
这个....汗哪.
最怕的就是这个. 近来不断感觉到周围的几个同事是看了career development的书或是上了课的,因为他们的所作所为都带着非常明显的人工造作的痕迹.
比如说,开会, 老板哒哒哒哒讲完了, any question? [corporate nod....] no question? then next topic....这时候, 说时迟,那时快,那几个人当中的一个一定会跳出来说, uh....I have a question.... 因为那些课里书里都教了一定要提问,一定要在会上表现出自己有想法什么的. 可他们提的那些想法呢,实在是毫无价值,纯粹是没话找话.
没有内涵的形式,还不如什么都没有.
Amazon要是有reference reward就好了。你推荐的我都让LD去买了。
到底了
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