tidewater
为什么我以前不快乐也不性福（being vulnerable的老贴）
11138
81
2021-01-06 14:49:53
不过我从男生角度，两地分居是个问题。
物质决定意识，两地分居最大的问题，对男生而言，是唐朝小李子说的，“别时容易见时难”。
0
就是，为他们遗憾。我记得这本书里说有个男的，从来就不愿表达出exciting的情绪，很多男人都这样，因为觉得不去展示大喜，就不会经历大悲。后来他的太太去世了，他很后悔在一起的数十年没有表达过兴奋。其实这就是麻木的代价，用整颗心去活，成长的，和爽的，都是是我们自己。我们都会经历痛苦，心硬，还是会经历痛苦啊，还不如尽情的大喜大悲。
xinchina 发表于 2021-01-06 15:48
哈哈，各家模式不同啊，我和校花都快把房顶给吵掀了。真的不能再大喜大悲了。
不是所有人都有那么好脾气，并且相互 match 的。还有很多家庭就是符合 “potential mate pool 太小” 的理论。
Match is overrated。
回复 46楼的帖子
从人类进化学 Human Evolutionary Biology Psychology 的角度，这个假说也能解释，为啥有一部分男生，对女生的 female extended sexuality 要求不高，能 OK 接受就行。更不需要啥 novelty。
也能解释一部分女生，对男生的 sexual novelty 的要求不高，只要男生 libido 够，function 没问题就行了。
因为婚姻和亲密关系的稳定性，及其对养娃的正面作用，可能也是进化选择的一部分。
这也未必都是社会习俗的原因。也算是 sex positive paradox，以及 gender equality paradox。
可以解释一下,男生的 “别时容易见时难”, 什么意思? 分开了,男生就不愿努力在一起?
jc255 发表于 2021-01-07 15:06
视觉动物
0
嗯，自己的情况是恋爱五年都挺好的，结婚有孩子后开始进入俗套的鸡毛蒜皮里，消磨了情感。如果恋爱时就痛苦了，那分了是止痛的最好办法。
xinchina 发表于 2021-01-10 15:31
我觉得 marriage is hard，50% marriage end at separate。
养娃 is even harder。:-,P
但就我自己而言，没有追求过家庭和养娃的人生是不完整的。
但另一方面，追求不等于成功。It is not about 成功，it is about meaning of the life.
Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way
Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way
I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried
I’ve had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside
I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way
And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I’ll say it clear
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain
I’ve lived a life that’s full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way
Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way
Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way
I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried
I’ve had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside
I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way
Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way
For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has not
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows
I took the blows
And did it my way
Yes, it was my way
到底了
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